An Unsettling Day

I have been restless all day. There is nothing specific going on. I am not bored – as a matter of fact there is so much to do I am having difficulty prioritizing. It is as if the effect of my clogged sinus cavities has moved into my head making it fuzzy and unfocused.

I need to find a market for a particular piece of writing I have finished. I begin to research and the voice of discouragement whispers, "This thing HAS no market." I move on to write some thoughts for a devotional I will be giving. The creative juices are refusing to flow, in fact, my creative processes have turned into a dust bowl. Sure, I could work on the taxes, if I wanted to send myself spiraling down into a massive depression. You get the drift and I'm sure you've had the same kind of day.

I tackle some projects, even though I am not feeling inspired. Lunch with my husband is a nice but all too short diversion. It's time to get back to the business of the day. Ah, finally the clock inches toward my manicure appointment. I gather up the library materials I want to return and head out the door. Both our cars are kept in the garage; both always have the keys in them. That is until today. I exit the car; shed my winter boots at the side door. enter the house and retrieve the keys. Once I have slipped back into my winter footwear, I make my way out of the garage and head toward my appointment.

When I arrive, I find a little yellow sticky note fluttering in the chilly February breeze and clinging to the salon door for all it is worth. A terse 3-word message is penciled on it, "back at 1:00pm." What? How can this be? I have a 12:30 p.m. appointment and no one is around. A quick cell phone call reveals that my stylist had my appointment noted for noon. She informs me that when I didn't show up she "took off." I am not pleased but what can I do? We reschedule for later in the week and I point my car toward the library.

They must be giving books away, the parking lot is packed, and I feel a sense of accomplishment when I finally find a spot. Reaching toward the empty passenger side to grab my materials, I am chagrined to discover that the materials are not in the car – I have obviously left them at home. Oh joy, I have to go back home and get the library materials. My mood is getting a bit prickly. I am not pleased. My irritation is building up a head of steam. The posted 25mph speed limit is not helping to lighten my mood.

Arriving at home, I decide I will not take the time to pull into the garage and will just run into the house –well, as quick as you can run when you have to shed winter shoes first. The materials are located, my shoes are once again on my feet, and I make my way toward the car, mumbling under my breath. "This has been a wasted day!" I turn on the radio (J. Vernon McGee is expounding on something that I would normally want to hear but at the moment, I am simply not in the mood!). I fasten my seat belt, check the rear view mirror, and then glance quickly to my left and I am stunned.

At the end of the street, two houses away, a pair of lovely fawns are snacking on the evergreens in my neighbor's front lawn. It takes my mind a second to adjust to what I am seeing. One fawn lifts her head and looks at me as if to say, "Lady, are you going to start any trouble?" I am mesmerized and enchanted. I want so much to run into the house for my camera but the desire to keep the deer there as long as possible overrides my need for a photograph.

Suddenly I am awash in joy. How wonderful is God to allow me to live in a place like this where I can see deer in the front or back yard? What a gift to be surrounded by mountains and forests and to be able to go 5 minutes from the house to put our kayaks in the water. What wonders God has brought into my life with the incredible family I have, my terrific husband, the fellowship of believers, the gift of working for Him. I felt every muscle in my body begin to relax.

As if realizing that their work was done, both deer lifted their heads and turned toward the thick woodland that edges our cul de sac. As I watched the flash of the last white tail disappear into the trees it made me think about how mercurial our emotions are. I went from grump to grateful child of God in milliseconds. How merciful He is to take a moment to remind a grumpy unsettled woman how richly blessed she is!

Thank you Lord for pulling me out of cranky self-absorption and for blessing me with another wonder of Your world. I want to always be mindful of who You are and how greatly You work in my life.

Whatever is good and perfect comes to us from God above, who created all heaven's lights. Unlike them, he never changes or casts shifting shadows. James 1:17 (NLT)

New Blog Site

As some of you may have noticed if you entered my blog via the HER-oes website, I've moved! There were more frequent access issues with my old site so I finally took the time to find a new "home" for my musings.

Not all of my "pears of wisdom" were transferred to this new site but rest assured I'll be adding more soon.

I hope you are all keeping warm and cozy. We've had a sudden drop in temperature and are experiencing weather that is running 13 below with the wind chill. Everyone in my house has elected to stay in by the fire!
Anita

More on the Messy Blessing

Our adopted robin whose nest graces the curve of the gutter spout by the dining room window is gone. I cannot believe how much I miss her and how sad I was the first morning I discovered she and her little ones had left.

Each morning I would take my coffee cup into the dining room and open the blinds to check on “Momma’s” progress. There was an inordinate amount of time of nest sitting but then finally we could see eggs in the nest. Almost overnight it seemed as though the eggs had turned into 4 little eternally hungry birds.

Momma worked day and night to feed her brood. She would race down to the lawn after the evening sprinkling session and gather up as many worms as possible. When we worked in the back yard, she would always be on the alert, flying to the fence, drawing attention away from her family. Her vigorous scoldings left no doubt that though she might be little, she was fiercely protective.

And so the days passed, Mamma constantly working, watching and defending and I their self appointed guardian keeping a close eye on our adopted avian family.

And then one day I saw the "not so little ones" on the ground near the fence, furiously flapping their wings with Mamma on the fence above, chirping encouragement. I wanted to stay and help. My husband told me to let nature take it’s course and that intervening would do more harm than good. An appointment called me away and when I returned home there were no little birds, no Mamma, only an empty nest. I was bereft and amazed that I was feeling such a loss. “What’s this about I wondered as tears filled my eyes and a heavy sadness settled on my heart.” I didn’t understand and finally prayed a quick prayer; “Father, this seems like such an extreme reaction. What is going on in my heart? Why am I so sad? Please reveal to me what the true source of this pain is so I can deal with it.”

God in His grace and mercy answered immediately and placed the knowledge in my heart. I so identified with that little robin because she reminded me of my own mother. A woman, who raised three children alone, worked two jobs for many years and always put us first. A woman with incredible strength, wisdom and love who sacrificed much to provide for us. An amazing woman who could laugh as hard as she worked. As I gazed at that empty nest, I mourned her sudden passing 9 months ago, I mourned for our loss and for the many dreams she must have had that went unfulfilled while she encouraged us to realize ours. Recognizing that my little robin “Momma’s” leaving had opened that wound in my heart I was reminded again how much I miss my mother. And so I cried some more but these tears were cleansing tears, tears of release and tears of thankfulness to God that He had provided my brother and sister and I with such a “Momma”. Thanks Mom for all your sacrifice and care and thank You Lord for calling her Your own. What comfort to know that she is no longer bound to an earthly nest but is now flying on angel’s wings.

Dear Jesus, thank you for tears that cleanse and a heart that remembers. Thank You for your comforting words and your grace and for beautiful things from Your creation that remind us of Your blessings.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted;
He rescues those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:18 (NLT)

A Mess or a Blessing?

“Open your mouth and taste,
open your eyes and see--how good GOD is.
Blessed are you who run to him.”
Psalm 34:8 (The Message)

My summer women’s Bible study group is doing John Eldredge’s book Waking The Dead. The recurring theme of the book is seeing with the eyes of your heart, being aware of the battle the enemy wages all around you and learning to live in the full power and glory of a Christ follower. I have been uncovering nuggets of truth and revelation all summer and have felt a bit pleased with myself that I am really “getting” the message of this book. Ah smugness, what a fleeting thing! After returning home a few weeks ago from a 10-day trip to Southern California to visit family, I was anxious to be home in our little slice of heaven in the Northwest. I was chomping at the bit to get home, give the “fab four” (our feline family members) a big hug and then don my stunning gardening ensemble and tend to the front and back yard.

Arriving home I did just that, working through the mental list of tasks, watering flowers, refilling bird and squirrel feeders and pulling an errant weed or two. I finished with a great sense of accomplishment, until I rounded the side of the house where I noticed a bunch of “junk" in the splash pad under the downspout by our dining room window. What a mess!

Tangled dried grass, red pods from a tree behind our back fence and other items I could not immediately identify, all soggy from the previous day’s shower. Yuck! I quickly got to work, cleaning up that unsightly pile that was a blot on my beautiful landscape! I dumped the soggy mess in the trash thinking, “Good riddance to that rubbish!”

Later that day as I walked down the driveway, my next-door neighbor greeted me and welcomed me home. He looked up and toward the side of our house, and said, “Looks like you’ve got a nice nest there.” “Huh?” I replied. “Yeah, he said, “my wife and I watched her struggling to build it while you were gone. No need to worry about where she built it, the nest is fine there and won't damage the gutter."

I followed his gaze and sure enough, a little mother robin was ensconced in a tightly woven and lovely nest that rested in the crook of the gutter by our dining room window. That mess I had been so annoyed about was a large part of her nest that hadn’t made it through the final stages of her building project.

What a life lesson for me! Evidently my summer Bible study had not made as much of an impact on my spirit as it should have. Instead of looking up and seeing (and being thankful for) all of God’s glory and enjoying the bird and her nest, I walked with my eyes to the ground, only seeing what was right in front of my nose and making assumptions about what I saw. In a magical instant, the “mess” I had grumbled about had become a beautiful part of God’s creation, something to enjoy and marvel at.

Dear Lord, let every little bird that wings its way past me, remind me of that nest and the glory in Your creation. Allow me to always see with the eyes of my heart the beauty and miracles that surround me every day. Help me to keep my head high, my eyes upward and my life a reflection of the beauty that You allow me to see.”

A Shaky Foundation

I will preface the comments in this entry in my blog with a disclaimer. It is not my intention to offend any happy city dwellers. I made a solemn vow to my sister-in-law that when we moved I would not become an “L.A. Basher” so understand dear readers, that I may consider the theme song to Green Acres my own, but I understand this is not the case for everyone (and a good thing or we would all be living in the same place!)

I moved from L.A. and left so much of my stress behind. The ramped up city lifestyle was wearing on me. Road rage, traffic jams, smog, crime, graffiti, earthquakes. I had had enough. The city held no joy for me and I was longing to return to a more rural lifestyle. A life that offered the richness of afternoon walks, nearby fishing streams and wildlife in abundance.

Living is this pastoral beauty surrounded by mountains and tall trees, seeing deer graze behind my fence (and we live in town), traveling down the main street to my house with a maximum posted speed limit of 25mph was all good to me. I began to unwind. I began to feel safe. I began to feel rested and revived. I began to walk that slippery slope that said, “I am renewed in this place. I am safe in this place. This place brings me peace.”

All of those feelings became like the powdery dust of shattered glass at about 9:20pm last night. I was relaxing in the living room when I began to hear a quiet roar. The sound was somewhat familiar but I could not place it. Then I began to feel the floor softly rolling and soon I heard the “tinkle, tinkle” of the crystal drops in the dining room chandelier as the slight swaying back and forth caused them to touch. Then the house began to shake. EARTHQUAKE! I was in complete shock as my mind tried to wrap itself around what was happening. I live in the Northwest. There ARE NO EARTHQUAKES! How could this be? I left L.A. to get away from this! By the time those questions ran through my mind, the quake was gone. My fear was not.

My safety barrier had been violated. I was exposed; I was no longer in that place of calm. What was I going to do now??????

For the past few months the Lord has been dealing with my issues of disappointment and hurt through the things others have said and done. I was finally getting it….people really will fail me just as I will fail others. I need to go to GOD, not to others for comfort. This truth was sinking in; I was moving along with the concept and making real progress.

When the enemy couldn’t get in that door anymore, he slipped in through the side and began to work on my issues of trusting a place for peace and comfort instead of God. So God literally shook me out of my fog and reminded me that it isn't only people I should not put my trust and hope in but things and places as well. I can be thankful to Him for bringing me to this beautiful place, I can rejoice in the loveliness and the richness of life here but I cannot ever forget that that it’s not a woodland meadow or a tree in my back yard that is my refuge, it is God and God alone.

How thankful I am for that little shake up I had last night. How wonderful to know that my God is my protector and my strength. What a relief to know that He is my refuge and that my true peace and joy does not depend on my address.

"Lord, since I have been understanding the concept lately of seeing with the eyes of my heart I am beginning to see what a battlefield I live in. I am also rejoicing in the fact that, through You, I hold all the power over the enemy. He has been trying so hard to shake my foundation, hurt my ministry , my life, my heart and push me off this path you have set my feet on so firmly. Thank you for yet another victory over him and thank You for the many more to come. Thank you for your love and protection that never changes and is not dependant on where I live or what I do.”

The LORD is my shepherd;
I have everything I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
Psalm 23: 1-3 (NLT)